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What is it like to look back on your very first experience of kathak dance? What encouraged you to take your first kathak class with Pandit Chitresh Das, and what was your very first class with him like?<\/span><\/b><\/h4>\nBorn and raised in Salinas, California, at some point I may have heard of kathak, but knew little to nothing about it. Though I danced as a child, I didn\u2019t have access to the arts of South Asia for learning purposes. From the age of 5 until 18, I trained in ballet, jazz and baton twirling. I had been exposed to the music of India and Pakistan growing up – some classical, light classical, Ghazal, and quite a bit of Qawwali. My parents would take us to concerts, and though I didn\u2019t realize it then, I was being introduced to living legends of various musical genres of South Asia.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It was when I was in my first year of college at San Francisco State University that I was itching to get into a dance class as it was the only form of physical activity I had known growing up. Seeing that \u201cClassical Dance of India\u201d was offered, I decided to give it a try, but still knew very little about what I was enrolling in, or who the teacher would be. <\/span>I was also drawn to learn more about my culture through the arts, but I had some reservations based on my own cultural insecurities. I thought that my previous dance training would likely help, but was still uncertain about taking the class.<\/span> When I told my parents of this class, and mentioned the teacher\u2019s name, <\/span>Chitresh Das<\/span><\/i>, I still remember my father saying to me, \u201cYou must take it. He is one of the best.\u201d To this day, I credit those words, and that nudge from my father for forever changing the course of my life.<\/span><\/p>\n I can\u2019t believe that my first kathak class was 25 years ago. I still remember it all so clearly. Guruji was on his winter performance and teaching trip to India so our class had been taught by one of his senior students at the time, Jaiwanti Das Pamnani. There was quite the buzz amongst the students, as there were some who had taken his class previously, that the man we were about to meet was intense, and likely comparable to no one we had ever met before. This could not have been more true.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Guruji walked into the room, pulling his tabla bag on wheels behind him. He used to sit and play tabla at that time, so as his tabla was being set up, he walked around the room. He stopped near me and asked me my name and when he heard my Muslim name – he asked me where my family was from. When I told him Pakistan, he nodded, but then he asked, \u201c<\/span>but are you an ABCD?\u201d <\/span><\/i>I looked at him with confusion so he quickly knew I didn\u2019t know what he meant so he asked, \u201cWhere were you born and brought up?\u201d When I said, \u201cSalinas,\u201d another nod and a peculiar look in his face, followed with, \u201cA Pakistani Salinas girl. Interesting\u2026\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Within moments of that dialogue, he was teaching, we were dancing, and I could feel that my kismat had led me somewhere special.\u00a0<\/span> I honestly wouldn\u2019t say that any of it has come <\/span>easy <\/span><\/i>to me. My previous dance experience helped me to have an awareness of my body, feel a comfort with coordination of movement, and also be rhythmically connected. BUT, the ocean that is the classical arts of South Asia is so very deep, that though the skills I had prior to studying with Guruji were helpful, I was introduced to so many elements that I never experienced before. I distinctly remember feeling very challenged by the aspects of dancing and reciting in taal. And actually, now that I think about it, when I had to sit and recite, I found it most difficult. I can now reflect on what kind of learner I am, and I believe that for me, executing through movement, and consciously or not, dancing in taal, felt far more natural to me than reciting and keeping taal with my fingers. I had never learned music before, so this was my introduction to this, and my body and mind often felt closed off to it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Observers often comment about the grace I have as a dancer, and don\u2019t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for these compliments, but I believe there is an assumption that this came easy to me. Again, my ballet training had me holding my body and hands a certain way, but modifying to fit the kathak aesthetic was important to me, so I would take a lot of time on my own to refine these aspects of my dance.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n And oh the physical vigor of Guruji\u2019s style! In all honesty, it was, and in my ways continues to be a love-hate relationship, but ultimately I love the feeling of getting to that place of liberation through dancing so hard I think I am going to collapse. To this day, this remains my greatest reward (when I don\u2019t feel breathless because I\u2019ve been consistent in my practice and thus my stamina reflects it), and my greatest challenge (basically knowing what I could have done to prevent the feeling of not dancing as hard as I know I can because I didn\u2019t stay true to my riyaaz and sadhana).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n With regards to abhinaya and storytelling, this developed slowly over the years for me. I couldn\u2019t force myself to get there – it wasn\u2019t like other aspects of the dance for me that through repetition it would come. This is probably the most centering aspect of kathak for me as it has led me to a place of empathy of which I truly believe that to be able to express emotion on the outside, you have to feel the emotion from the inside first. When I think back to the years of training with Guruji, he rarely \u201ctaught\u201d us abhinaya. He would demonstrate, but he would rarely tell us exactly what to do. It was those years of observing him tell the most heart wrenching to the most uplifting stories, that more than how he looked or danced, it was the feeling he brought to the most nuanced of movements. I am so very grateful for what those experiences of watching him gave me, and how they have informed my own dance from the inside out.<\/span> Watching Guruji create and choreograph was pure joy. Of course there were days where it flowed better than others, for him and for those of us that he was choreographing on and for. But when Guruji was on, he was just so on. He would bring this oneness to his movement and the music, and he would get inspired by the story he was telling, the taal he was exploring, sometimes even a movement that one of us would make. Leading up to a production definitely involved some blood, a lot of tears (I was the crier in the group) and tons of sweat!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Thinking back to the many productions I was able to be a part of, there are just so many special memories. I did always have a very special place in my heart for <\/span>Darbar<\/span><\/i> as it was the first production that I was involved in in 1998, and also because Guruji involved my father in this reciting Urdu poetry.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n The first version of <\/span>Pancha Jati<\/span><\/i> in 2002 also stands out in my mind. The way we had to physically train to meet the standards of his choreography at the time was insane, and yet the demands of our weekly training classes were already so high. I suppose that is the point though. To Guruji all was limitless, and he expected us to have the same boundless aspirations in the way we approached our dance abilities.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n It would also be remiss of me not to mention about the unique experiences that came from each performance tour to India with Guruji. I feel grateful to have accompanied him on so many trips, share iterations of what we performed in the U.S. and get a window into the performing arts world, and who he is as an artist in his homeland.<\/span><\/p>\n The second to last production I did as a member of CDDC was <\/span>Shiva <\/span><\/i>in 2013, in which Guruji cast me as the somewhat errant disciple. This project took a toll on me emotionally to say the least. My relationship with Guruji had started to shift in the couple of years leading up to this production, but when tensions had come up, it had never bled into the artistic expression in this way. As was Guruji\u2019s style, there were always messages woven into everything he did and said, but somehow this time felt different, and though as always there were aspects to the choreography, including my role, that I loved and felt wonderfully challenged by, this was also a turning point for me in my connection to him, sadly in the direction of creating greater distance.<\/span><\/span>
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Our lineage of kathak emphasizes a very deep study of kathak, including physical readiness, rhythmic facility, beauty, and delicacy, an understanding of Hindustani music theory, South Asian philosophy and culture, and storytelling. Which element or elements of kathak came more easily to you, and which have been the most challenging?<\/span><\/b><\/h4>\n
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You were a member of the Chitresh Das Dance Company during an era of incredible trajectory towards high production value artistic works of Pandit Chitresh Das that were presented on mainstream stages. Can you talk about this experience? Do you have any particularly meaningful or memorable experiences to share from your time in the company?<\/span><\/b><\/h4>\n
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